【The Exotic Time Machine】

The The Exotic Time Machinefirst images of Disney's live-actionAladdinremake are here and well, there quite a bit to say about them. But we'll hold the debate over costuming and whatever on earth is on Will Smith's chin for later.

This post is about the important stuff. The hard-hitting truths of the Aladdin remake.

Jafar is hot as fuck.

Hot Jafar, as he'll be referred to exclusively to differentiate him from Animated Jafar, who had a squiggly beard and was kind of a racial stereotype, is a revelation.

Played by Dutch-Tunisian actor Marwan Kenzari, Hot Jafar makes even the silliest of hat/turban dealios look like something you want tossed on your bedroom floor immediately.

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Look at those piercing eyes. That perfectly scratchy-looking daddy beard. How he cradles the lamp in his strong, ambitious hands.

The compounding factor in all of this is, of course, that Kenzari is also jacked to shit. When his casting was first announced, images of the Once and Future Grand Vizier showed up on Twitter, prompting many to exclaim "Aladdin who?"

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For the record, Mena Massoud as Aladdin is also a snack. It's just that everybody has their...preferences.

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Disney's Aladdinis set to release on May 24th, 2019, which gives us plenty of time to gird our loins against the raw power of Hot Jafar's catastrophic sexual energy.